📘 That feeling when some idiot dude crashes a mom writers room

Getting out of your comfort zone and giving grace to those who do... a Micaela Birmingham appreciation post

After the NYC interview with Vinit, Paul, and Some Spider leadership, there was a calm before the storm.

Before starting The Dad, we needed approval from the Board. Creating a new brand is no joke. There’s a lot of risk involved. How many new digital media brands survive 1 year, 2 years, 3 years? It can’t be good.

So this time period was all about putting together slide decks and business plans and staffing strategy. (I freakin love all of those things so it was good times.)

On a family vacation in Michigan on the 4th of July, my family swam in a pool while I sat off in the distance on my laptop making investor slides like these...

(I like that tagline on the last one actually. I don’t think we ever used that again.)

I was so excited about the possibility of working full-time in media so much, that I started getting nervous that it might not work out. Remember, I was also running Scary Mommy’s Instagram during this time, and loving it.

I lied in bed at night worrying that The Dad might not happen. So I thought of contingencies… maybe I could get a full-time job at Scary Mommy if The Dad didn’t get the green light?

I reached out to Vinit and told him if The Dad doesn’t happen, I’d be down to work for Scary Mommy. He was probably taken aback by that a bit, but he essentially said “Oh yeah? Ya think so do ya? Hahahaha. Okay then maybe you’d like to attend a Scary Mommy writers workshop? Prove it.”

“Absolutely. I’d love that. Let’s do it!” 😬

---

Obligatory reminder that I am an introvert who prefers to brainstorm alone, by writing and overthinking by myself. I was not an experienced writers room participant, to say the least.

The invite for the writers workshop came from Micaela Birmingham. You may recognize her as host of critically acclaimed video series Momsplained.

She’s an all around bad ass. She’s a producer, writer, director, actor, and she’s especially adept at navigating corporate/management waters as well.

Oh, and here she is with Oprah Winfrey.

Okay cool. I can riff mom comedy stuff with Micaela. Um… Sure.

The meeting invite had a zoom link. It started at 6pm. I jumped on the video conference.

You may already see where this is headed.

I was the only virtual participant.

There’s also something else that makes me stand out…

OMG. Just seeing this screenshot makes me cringe. What a nightmare. I really can’t communicate effectively enough how much of a fish out of water I was in this session.

This is a room full of professional comedians. All skilled and experienced writers. All of them there in person in a conference room in midtown Manhattan. All of them mom QUEENS. I’ve blurred their faces in case they don’t want to be associated with this dumb little blog.)

(This is the same conference room I was in weeks early. I’d go on to spend a lot of time in this conference room.)

They’re all lovely and all total pros.

If you look closely at the bottom left you can see my little webcam icon.

“Oh hey gang, I’m Joel. The CEO asked me to be here! Just let me know if you need any help with the mom comedy. I am a nerd who works in Information Technology so I should be able to rock that out no problem. What are y’all drinking? Merlot? That’s cool.”

This whole scene is hilariously awkward. They are all gathered around the table. With wine and charcuterie. In that screenshot Micaela was leading the discussion. What you don’t see is just over her shoulder there’s a giant TV with my stupid face on it. Silently looking over the meeting.

I’ll pause again to say that this writers room is full of pros, so of course they were nice and collaborative and included me. I’m just exaggerating the tension for comedic effect. Regardless I had no place in this session. It was a bad idea from the start and I felt bad that I was there.

I actually forgot about this entire trainwreck. My brain blocked out the personal trauma to protect me. Then I found that screenshot while looking through my photos for something from my interview trip. Here’s my reaction when finding that photo and being overwhelmed by the memories of the experience.

To kick off the meeting and get the juices flowing, we did a fun little exercise. Micaela had everyone break off in pairs. She assigned each team a section of the lyrics of “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran. Each team scripted what a mom could be doing on video for those lyrics to take it out of context for relatable mom humor.

While everyone else is chatting as their own couple, Micaela gets the “joy” of being paired with me. She looks up at the giant screen to talk to me. Everyone else talks in a quiet voice. But my voice booms out of the conference room speakers, effectively talking over everyone.

“So when he says AND LAST NIGHT YOU WERE IN MY ROOM AND NOW MY BEDSHEETS SMELL LIKE YOU maybe it’s a mom talking to an empty bag of Doritos she ate while watching Real Housewives!” I shout whisper to Micaela.

“Hmm. Yeah maybe….”

My hands are sweaty just thinking of this nightmare.

Towards the end, after the ladies and I have had a couple glasses of wine, we go around the room and share relatable motherhood experiences. Some are hilarious, some are poignant. Several are heartbreaking and personal. Connections are made. This would be a wonderful moment of female comradery and connection and friendship if not for this freaking idiot dude on the TV silently watching over all of it.

I debated many times just leaving the meeting, or turning off my camera. Ultimately I decided it would be even worse to do that. So I just politely nodded and did my best to chime in when it was appropriate, but mostly stayed quiet.

At the end of the meeting, I logged off the zoom, shell shocked. I walked into the other room and Laura asked “How’d it go?” She could see in my eyes that I had been through some things.

I downed the last of my chardonnay and said, “That was a disaster.” I threw on some Ed Sheeran and curled up in bed with a bag of Doritos.

---

It’s a gosh dang miracle that I ever went on to be paid for this type of work ever again, let alone become a full-time employee at this company, working alongside many of these talented creators.

And yet…

I got the opportunity to work with Micaela many more times. She’s the best. Here we are together earlier this year on the freakin WHITE HOUSE LAWN.

What’s the takeaway for this post? I guess the easy thing is to say “It’s okay to get out of your comfort zone.” and blah blah blah. But you’ve heard all that crap a million times right?

I think the bigger takeaway is when you see an idiot like me getting out of their comfort zone and falling on their face for whatever reason, give that person a little grace and understanding. Just like Micaela did.

Thanks Micaela.

Miss some posts? Here is the chronological 📘 The Dad Story Table of Contents.