5+ years ago, I was having an existential crisis because my job was no longer fulfilling. What am I doing with my life? I thought. I sat at work, trying to keep busy, doing something I didnât want to do, wishing away my time. All the while my kids were getting older, and I was missing it. I was often depressed about it, and Sunday nights were the worst. Dreading going to work the next day, the good ole Sunday blues.
I discovered the concept of financial independence, early retirement. (Again, retirement to me is not no longer working; it is doing the work that I want to do.) My mind lit up. I made plans, I recited mantras. I was excited at the very possibility of getting to do work I chose to do.
I distinctly remember one day I was out on a run. I thought, âIf Iâm going to get to make my career what I want, I should take care of myself. I should stay healthy so I can live that good life longer.â
WHAT.
I immediately caught myself. What a ridiculous thought. I definitely wasnât suicidal or anything. But my default internal reaction was âIf Iâm going to enjoy my day-to-day career, I want to live longer.â Itâs almost the inverse of suicidal. Life is going to be so much better I want more of it. Thatâs how much this meant to me.
And I think thatâs why a lot of us donât take care of ourselves when we have a grueling day-to-day that takes it out of us. Our souls are so exhausted at the end of the day or end of the week we just want to kick back with junk food, alcohol, and mindless entertainment.
I was listening to Ryan Holiday on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes recently. They were talking about how the purest way to do things is to do it like itâs the last time.
So if youâre performing standup, do it like the theater is going to explode at the end. Itâll be special. Youâll be in the moment, doing it for the act of doing it rather than as a means to whatever comes next.
We should all strive to find a career that allows us to get as close to that as we can. Where we are doing the thing we are meant to do, that weâd do anyway. And then, (and this is important), be in the moment.
And itâs not just about careers, itâs about being present with everything. EVEN THE THINGS YOU DONâT WANT TO DO. Doing the dishes. Mowing the lawn. Putting your kids to bed at the end of a long day. Do that with purpose. Be present.
Ryan and Pete talk about this: imagine youâre 90 years old and dying, what would you give to be able to do this thing youâre doing now, just one more time?
And yet, I was wishing away my time. What a tragedy.
Itâs not like the job was bad. I was just unfulfilled. And Iâm not saying I shouldâve just been content with it. Just the opposite. Iâm very happy I made the leap. If you are wishing away your time, maybe you need a change.
âStop whatever youâre doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I wonât be able to do THIS anymore?â âMarcus Aurelius
Emphasis on THIS.
Weâre all afraid of death. We want more time. But are you using the time you have? Go out of your way to make the life you live and the time you have more fulfilling.
And when you have to do stuff you donât want to do, go out of your way to be present when you do it.
So stop what youâre doing now. Not reading this substack lol but maybe whatever you are going to be doing after this. Does it bring you joy? Are you dreading it? Are you afraid of death because you wonât get to do THAT anymore?
Try to make whatever THAT is the best it can be.
The Dad launched on 11/1/2017. The month before it launched, I was giddy.
I woke up excited to get to work. For the first time⊠ever?
Leaving my corporate job for a creatively fulfilling career of my choosing was even better than I expected.
Tomorrow is The Dadâs 5th birthday. Happy birthday to The Dad and congrats to everyone who has been part of it!
(Pictured: Nick Fabiano about to dig in, on The Dadâs 1st birthday.)
Do work that makes you want to live forever.
And when you have to do something you donât want to do, do it like itâs the last time youâll ever get to.
I thank The Dad for showing me that itâs worth it to pursue your passions and take risks. It changed my life. And yet, 5 years later, I am no longer doing that thing. Why?
The remainder of this substack will celebrate the journey of creating The Dad, but will also talk about the pitfalls of unabashedly diving into your own passion project with no guardrails. Burn out is real, yâall.
During my time leading The Dad, I had two therapists. Neither of them had social media accounts. Maybe that shouldâve told me something.
That was an excellent read. Thanks for sharing the perspective of "doing something for the last time". I always felt this way each time I carry one of my kids so I live in the moment. But never crossed my mind that I could apply the same to other aspects in my life.